Brighter Than Sunflowers

Close this search box.

Shall We Dance?

I’m a dancer. I’ve danced ballet since I was a teenager, though I don’t do it much anymore. I’ve been dancing swing for about 15 years, and N is helping me learn blues.

I love following. I love that you dance a different dance with every lead you dance with. I love practising connecting with so many different people who have so many different styles. I love that I can go anywhere and walk onto a dance floor and find a partner I’ve maybe never met before and know exactly what they want me to do.

I also love the feeling of surrender I have to cultivate in order to follow well. I love the feeling of floating, not knowing what will happen next (actually, the couple of times I’ve been tied up, it reminded me a lot of dancing).

Recently I was thinking of the skills involved in being a good follow, and I realized they make a pretty good skillset for life in general:

  • Keep your back straight, your head up and your core strong.
  • Don’t try to anticipate the next move.
  • Relax.
  • Connect.
  • Smile.
  • Feel the music.
Share the Post:

Related Posts

A collection of hearts connected by lines in the shape of a molecule.

Guest post: On zero-sum, nonmonogamous “family” and consent

I believe, pretty firmly at this point, that the foundation of a non-coercive nonmonogamous relationship has to be the ability to drop to zero-sum at any time, for any reason. That’s not just true for sexual relationships in a group, but also for metamour relationships. But more than that, the foundation of consent is a built-in exit clause for every single relationship. Not happy? Not healthy? It’s OK to leave.

Read More